Settle in 'cause the road going west got drowned.

Angie sometimes talks about George Lucas and when she does, she says that he's like her abusive boyfriend. Even though the Star Wars prequels were absolutely terrible, she went to see them, knowing they would be terrible, waited in line and sat through them. She kept coming back for more.

I am starting to think this is like me with Oklahoma.


Giant-shit hail (there really aren't any other words to describe it) tore through Oklahoma City (and the back window of my car) on Sunday. I thought to myself, "Hey, no tornadoes with this storm. Just hail. Awesome!"


THINGS ARE NOT AWESOME WHEN THE HAIL IS THE SIZE OF TENNIS BALLS.

It came down for about 10 minutes; me and Chelsey just watched in awe. Gertie was barking the entire time because she thought someone was knocking on the door and she really wanted us to let them in. By the time it was done with, it looked like it had snowed in the back yard. It was still raining, but Chelsey ventures out to explore our cars. And comes back delivering bad news. Not only did it get my back window,

It got my side mirror:


The top of my car:


The hood of my car:


Chelsey's back window:


And her windshield:


Our brand new vehicles, only months old, are basically scrap metal at this point. Every piece of my car suffered damage, with the exception of the front and rear bumpers, because they're made of plastic. Of the about 30 cars in our parking lot, I'd say 25 of them lost windows. All of the north-facing windows on our building were broken. Luckily, our condo's surrounded with walls.


Also impressive was the amount of leaves the hail took of the trees. No, that's not grass. Those are leaves. That's the court yard right outside my front door. If you haven't seen this video of hail slaying an Oklahoma City pool, I'd suggest you observe.

As I type this, I'm sitting in Norman, under yet another tornado watch.

All I have to say about that:

AW HAIL NO!

Sometimes I'm pretty funny.

And when I say that Oklahoma is my abusive boyfriend I keep coming back to, what I really mean is that living in Oklahoma has proved to be the most challenging year of my life thus far. But I'm smart enough to understand that these tough things were either A) something I brought upon myself and B) horrible, horribly, ridiculously bad absences of luck. So it's not Oklahoma's fault. It's no one's, really.

Which is why I keep coming back for more. (Look at me, making excuses for my abuser!)

Want to hear something about me that has nothing to do with me moving to Oklahoma or the weather? Okay. Listen to Banner Pilot.

Sea World.

ANXIETY!

I don't know if you dudes heard, but they gots some swirly clouds in Oklahomah. Them clouds, they just get all fussy and spinny and then they dog-gone decide to drop down on some of them trailer houses. Y'all don't even know. Most people around here talk about the tornado outbreak of 1999 as simply "May 3rd tornado". People tell their May 3rd stories, where they were, what they were doing, etc. It's a lot like "When the plane hit the second tower, I was..." stories. Except most of them go like, "I just like, walked outside and there was a tornado on my lawn. So I went back inside and turned on my TV to see which direction it was going. So I could, you know, call my friends about it." PEOPLE IN OKLAHOMA ARE COMPLETELY UNIMPRESSED WITH SWIRLY CLOUDS. Anyway, the point of all this is that I think there will now also be "May 10th tornado" stories.

Here's my May 10th story: I was driving from Norman back to Oklahoma City. I thought I wouldn't have any problem, the clouds were dissipating, the sun was out. At about 4:15, I get on the interstate and Chelsey calls, telling me to hurry up and get home, the storms moving fast. So, I start hauling. Chelsey's pretty calm about storms so when she tells me to hurry, I hurry. Sure enough, about five minutes later, the sky looks like there's some horsemen dragging an apocalypse behind them. Worst part, I have to drive through Moore to get home. Now, Moore is sort of the joke-city of Oklahoma. Not only did it produce Toby Keith AND write his name on a giant water tower, it has at least one tornado a year. Never fails. Moore has tornadoes. And I have to drive through this place. Well hey there panic, haven't seen you lately.

People were driving like maniacs, which did not help. Weaving in and out of lanes, going 80 on the shoulder. I'm shaking out my hands trying to calm my nerves; I swear to God sweat was dripping off of them. It's raining, it's windy and I look up just in time to see clouds SWIRLING over my head. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Luckily, I made it through Moore and back home just before the hail hits. I was lucky, friends. A lot of people weren't. I'll be spending a chunk of time on Saturday helping out a work-friend's family pick up trees and debris off their property. It's really pretty sad and pretty scary.


So, weather forecasts like this MAKE ME NERVOUS.

Tornadoes used to not bother me. I watched Twister in middle school. I thought it was pretty cool. One time, Albuquerque got a tornado warning. I remember being excited about it (but really, tornadoes in Albuquerque? Sure. With elephants in them). But here, it's a completely different deal. I knew when I moved here I'd be dealing with a considerable amount of weather. But there's really no way to actually prepare for that. I guess just get killer insurance and hope for the best. And maybe acquire a muscle relaxer or two.

I can tell you this: tornadoes have a smell. I told my parents it sort of smells like Newark; really humid and sort of metallic. I'd heard people talking about it before and thought it was pretty silly. But nope, it's a real thing. Also, the clouds look crazy for days after a storm like we had on the 10th. Like, it took the atmosphere so much effort to create what it did that it doesn't have the strength to reel it back in. If that makes any sense.


Before the tornadoes ravaged, Chelsey and I took a mini-break, first stopping for a night in Ardmore with her entire family. That was an absolute joy, as Chelsey's family has been dealt from pretty challenging medical cards this past year. The good news is that they were all there; brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. Everyone was pretty pumped about it.




My favorite photography subject of the day was Caleb, Chelsey's nephew, as previously mentioned here. I'm proud to report I'm warming up a bit to kiddos in general (which is a great relief if you know what my current can't-blog-about-job), but it also appears I've made a genuine 4-year-old friend. He's a cool little dude.


After that, we took on Dallas for Ben Folds. And these are my few true feelings for it.

Okay dudes, I'm sure there's nice parts of Dallas. I've managed to have some fun there. Once. But me and Texas, we just don't get along. The worst part was definitely my visit to the Kennedy Memorial at the site of his assassination. I guess I got pampered in Oklahoma with its lovely National Memorial, but the memorial there is TERRIBLE. I'd call it disrespectful. A President died and the paint is pealing off the arc way on the grassy knoll. Not awesome, Texas. However, we had a great time, drank too many beers and ate too much Jack in the Box.

We stopped by the Hooters in the West End. Just for photos.



I love this girl.

I'm sure you all heard about the devastating loss the Thunder suffered a few weeks back. Bummed. I'm already waiting for next season, saving up money for season tickets. Until then, I've got Kevin Durant's twitter (I learned his favorite movie is Twister today) and new t-shirt designs from Tree and Leaf to tide me over.


But mostly, I've got hockey.

The Montreal Canadiens are having an amazing post-season. Tonight, I watched them knock out the defending Stanley Cup champions in a game 7. Earlier this month, the number 1 team in the NHL this season in a game 7. My boys are playing like champions. I'm enthralled. I can't even imagine what my family's humble homes in rural Quebec are up to.

Oh hey, by the way, I have one of those job things again. Same office, different work. AND IT'S PERMANENT. We all need national health care just to avoid the stress of choosing an HMO. Overall, I like it. I get to drive a lot. And of course, I can't blog about it.

I like that I can write 5 paragraphs about tornado fear and can only manage a sentence or two about my new 8 to 5. I guess I learned a long time ago that I wouldn't let a job define me. Wait, that's way too poetic. Oh. That's right. It's because I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BLOG ABOUT A JOB I HAVE EVER AGAIN. With the exception of the El Rey. Thanks for letting me blog about your business, Kathy. You're a trooper.

I've decided I might only be capable of mega-blogs now.