We talked a lot about this dude, named Stan Brakage, who used to paint and color on clear leader, on top of actually filming. He basically started using film as an actual canvas in the sense a painter uses one. (Note, he's at a bar.) Stan Brakage was also fiercely intelligent. He said my favorite quote I ever read in college:
Npw, people have been painting and coloring film for years. This was done in 1896. The way the dress changes color is that one of the Lumière brothers (or one of their assistants, more than likely) went in and dyed the film with ink, frame by frame. And remember, there's 24 frames in one second of a movie. It's just as time consuming as it sounds.
Brakage took it one step farther and started taping things to clear leader as well, just to see the sort of images it would project. He's probably most famous in academic circles (how pretentious can I sound?) for a film called Mothlight, where he taped insect wings, seed pods, leaves and other translucent stuff found in nature onto clear leader. The actual leader looked like this:
With I find lovely enough on its own. And the actual projection is a bit hypnotizing:
Fun, right? It certainly is. I also learned in college that if you take a hot iron to white leader (leader that's colored and dyed white. Most filmmakers use it to write on, to mark titles, last times it was edited, etc. Most of the time, never projected.) it will peel off the color and make it look streaky.
Rewind a year or so. I don't talk a lot about the guy I dated then, by the name of Chad. Mostly because there's not a whole lot to say. I will tell you he's the first heart I ever broke, and he broke mine just as much. He wasn't a bad guy and he cared for me immensely, much more than I was ready for. Our breakup was really the destructive part, not the relationship. But our relationship was the sort of thing you just have to get rid of. I threw away things that meant a lot to me, something I very, rarely do, regardless of how much it hurts me to see them. I threw away a roll of film from the night pictured above, because I just couldn't look at it.
Fast forward a few years. I'm living in Maria's and cleaning out my mess of a desk. What do I find? The negatives from that roll of film. I start looking at them and decide that there's some art therapy in there. I cut them into pieces and tape them to clear leader.
An idea is born!
I haven't even tried to project them, or even splice the pieces together. But I like the weird sort of closure I got from it, making it, and that experience into something new and creative.
I also don't say a lot about my mom having Multiple Sclerosis, and neither does my mom, mostly because she is so much bigger than a disease. I will say that it is remarkable how little of an effect MS has had on my life, and on hers. Mom refuses to let it get the better of her. If you know mi madre, you know she really is an amazing person. Everyone says that about their mothers (actually, my new job has taught me that not everyone says that about their mothers) but I really, really lucked out. She's pure gold.
About a year ago, I told my mom about my film negative project. So, she gives me the film from a MRI she had done in 2001 (above) and tells me to make something pretty. I took out one film sheet and started cutting it up, taping it to the leader. I really wasn't pleased with how dark it was. It didn't have nearly the same effect as the film negative. So, I sat on it for a long time. Then, last week I was at Target buying laundry supplies when I remembered that when you put bleach on film, it lightens it. In some cases, it pulls the emulsion right off of it. I bought a jug of Clorox and almost ran back to the condo.
Emulsion literally dripping off into my tub! But I loved the ending result:
So, now I've got a wall of bleached MRI film:
Some super creepy self portraits:
And a new art project!
Just in case you were wondering what my creative brain's been up to, there you go. I was in desperate need of a new creative project, as my job's stress level has been nearly unbearable. I'm losing sleep over it. I've just got to remember to take deep breaths, that I've got a wonderful network of people here and back home who would do just about anything to support me and OU football is almost upon us. I mean seriously, how can things be bad when the weather's finally starting to cool down and Landry Jones has a mustache? They simply can't. I've also been trying to eat better and eat more protein. I'm losing a bit of weight (!!!) slowly but surely and I already feel better physically. My car's also hanging in there like a champ, which has officially become something to celebrate.
I did get a few days to go back to Albuquerque with Chelsey at the beginning of the month, which is by far the best medicine for stress I've ever found. That trip can be best summarized with this:
