Start all over again.

What a day. Pretty much all I want to do is collapse in a pile of misery.

There's just something about being in an office environment that makes me want to throw my head through a wall. I walked around my new job today and saw all the empty desks, waiting for me and the other temp's to fill them. It disgusted me. I could barely stand it, barely keep it together. I spent 8 months wearing dress pants and a fake smile. Fact is, I don't think I can fake it any more.

Maybe it was just the shock of being thrown into that world again, maybe it was the anxiety and the lack of sleep. But maybe, that's just not what I'm built to do. I don't feel like Cat, or even Catherine, when I'm in situations like that. I don't like the person I become in a professional office. God, I'd give absolutely anything to have my ice-cold perch in the Golden West back.

After almost a year of searching, I finally have an interview in Oklahoma on the 26th. It's a better office job. But even hearing the word "office" automatically makes me resent it. (But that, and the insecurities that come along with leaving New Mexico belong in a whole other blog.)

I know I need to give it time, it'll probably get easier. But, I really did promise myself that I wouldn't settle for a job any more. I want to wake up and be excited to go to work. It really does seem like a simple request, but so few people actually get that opportunity. I honestly don't know how one goes about that anymore.