English Immigrants.

How to be French Canadian, or a Québécois.

Part One: If you are elderly and French Canadian, offer food to anyone. If you are young and French Canadian, always except food. If you don't, it seems you offend people. I have never been so full in my whole life.

Part Two: Never, ever wear outdoor shoes inside a building. 90% of the time, there is a basket full of slippers near the front door of the house. Those slippers are very important. And pretty adorable.

Part Three: You better be Catholic.

Part Four: Drink a lot of coffee. This is unfortunate because my stomach cannot handle coffee. I haven't had that much caffeine since the infamous No Doze incident in high school, which resulted in vomiting by rail road tracks. So today, after 6 years and no coffee, I figured I'd try it. Dang, it was good. But dang, did I feel like I had kidney stones for about an hour. I guess this means I'm not French Canadian. People here drink about 8 cups a day. This is also why I can never work on a film production.


Part Five: It's kind of mandatory that your ancestors had to sail down this river to get here. They DO NOT like immigrants, especially those who speak English. My family sailed down the fleuve Saint-Laurent 350 years ago.