I'm ready to go.

I've decided I hate waiting.

My temp job’s officially over as of tomorrow. I’ve sort of become an expert at last days of work in the last year and the last week is always the worst. Your bosses always stop giving you work, let you take it easy that last week. So there’s nothing to do except sit there and wish your internet wasn’t monitored so you could job search. You’re just waiting for it to officially be over.

I’ve got a job interview tomorrow at the same place, more super secret stuff. I think I have a shot at it, but I’ve been told that before (about 60 times thus far in that building) so no hopes on it. I’m waiting for that too, getting more and more nervous about it each day. Mostly because I’ve got about 8 hours to sit in the very building it will be held and think about it. I wish you could get notified about interviews an hour before they happen. Just enough time to get pretty and get there.

Probably the thing I hate waiting for the most is for school to start again. Get me back to overpriced text books, conservative vs. liberal battles in anthropological theory and all-night study sessions. Get here, August 23rd. Can’t wait to officially be a Sooner.

I’m waiting for Gertie to behave better, for my next payday, to find out where the payday after that will be coming from, for lunch, for my afternoon walk, for the wind to die down, for the weekend, for the next time I'll be home, for the Tom Petty show on May 15th, for my birthday… it just keeps going.

I’ve decided I hate waiting. So I’m done. Time to start doing.

Got the stomach to stomach.

Last night:

Meat falls off the bone.

Want to know where I’ve been? Everywhere, really. Falling in love to the sounds of the city.

2010’s been kind thus far. Or as kind as it can be. Highlights of the first three months:


1. I bought a car. A CAR. I bought a car. Big hairy deal, friends. Never in my life have I had such responsibility before. It’s mine, for better or worse. Of course, a week after I buy it, it gets recalled. Of course! I’m not too worried about it, however. Ye old Toyota truck kept me safe and happy for almost 10 years (RIP Joan Rivers) so I had not a concern about buying another one. I ended up with a 2009 Toyota Matrix. I’m pretty happy with it, especially the power locks and windows. After 10 years of manual locks and a back window that would almost fly off the truck when you opened it, I’m excited to have keys that have buttons that make my car go BEEP.

Now, You might be wondering how I was able to afford such a vessel, as I have been rocking some financial stress recently. Well, true to form, Joan Rivers took care of me even after her death (RIP). State Farm gave me $8,300 for my truck, manufactured in 2000 with 200,000+ miles on it. I made the insurance dude repeat it about 5 times. Could not believe it. I was expecting maybe $2,000. It almost makes losing her that much more heartbreaking. She was a good ol’ girl. I still miss her fraying selt beats and the neon green silly putty stuck to the passengers seat. I can only hope she goes on to help lots of other baby Toyotas. Once again, RIP, fair truck, RIP.

2. Someone hit my new car. I know, I know, it’s fine, go ahead and laugh. I did. It’s hilarious just how much can possibly happen to my cars in a month. This time I wasn’t in the car. Oklahoma City had an ice storm back in late January and it basically shut down the city for 3 days. My favorite part was watching everyone freak out about it before hand. The lines at gas stations were ridiculous and you couldn’t find a loaf of bread or laundry detergent to save your life. Really, guys? Oklahomans laugh in the face in tornados. But ice storms, they don’t fuck around with their ice storms.

Anyway, I parked my car on the street, not in the parking lot of the condo complex, in an attempt to minimize the chance of something hitting it, AKA tree limbs and power lines which tend to fall down a lot in ice storms. However, I did not calculate the chances of another car driving down the road on an inch of ice and sliding into my parked vehicle, which is exactly what happened. As for when, your guess is as good as mine. I didn’t touch my car for 3 days because I didn’t want to wreck it and I was terrified to drive in bad weather after what happened to me and the truck in December. Pretty simple logic. When I did finally drive it, I went to Homeland to see if they actually might have some bread and sure ‘nuf, someone nailed my left front fender and didn’t leave a note. Thanks, dude.

It took me about a month and a half to get the money I needed for my deductible, but I did go ahead and get the damage fixed. So now she’s shiny and clean again. I’m just waiting for something to happen to it again. It’s such an abnormal feeling for me to now be driving a car that doesn’t have an effed up front end.


3. We had an ice storm.

I've learned pretty typical ice storm procedure is stay indoors and drink as much as possible.

So, this happened.




3. I made two trips back home. The first was back in January to actually celebrate Christmas with my mom, since I didn’t get to do that. It was a nice, mellow trip. I took a week off from work and treated myself to a plane ride. I spent most of my time in the mountains with family, but did have a very, VERY drunken night with Maria in there.


Her words: “You drank the whole bar.” My words: “It’s a miracle I was upright.” And thank GOD my phone battery died. Or you all would have been subjected to absolute torture. The good news is that I got about $20 worth of Golden Pride to cure my hangover. Bless you, Albuquerque.


The second trip was last weekend and far more eventful. On Friday night, Flood the Sun played their last show. But the big event of the night was Joel asking Ashley to marry him. I was in on it for a few days prior, but Ashley was completely in the dark. When I got to Burt’s, Joel told me it was my job to make sure Ashley stayed happy. He was worried that she might get emotional with it being the last show. I think I succeeded. The entire time Flood the Sun is playing, I’m about to bust because I know what’s coming.


And then, it happens and I do burst. It was so sweet and so perfect and Ashley had no idea what was about to happen until Joel was down on one knee. I’ve never seen the two of them smile like that. I get a bit misty thinking about it.


On Sunday, Emily Stone became Emily Kohen. It was quite the event. The wedding, the reception, the wedding party, the bride, they all looked beautiful. But probably the most beautiful part was seeing one of my oldest Albuquerque friends marry someone who makes her so happy. Emily and I have seen some days, we’ve had quite a few adventures together. We may not be as close as we once were, but I was really happy that I got to be part of the next great adventure in her life.


So, congrats and mozel tov to the Kohens and the soon-to-be Dickmans. That weekend melted my heart into a pile of goo.

3. I still have a job. And yeah, it’s still temporary and that’s still driving me crazy. But I’m trying to be content with what I have. It’s a paycheck after all. The great news is I applied to OU this week. So it’s only a matter of time before I’m signing up for classes and getting back to the academic life, something I am so, so, so excited about. I haven’t quite figured out how I’ll be combining school with work when they collide, but I’m also not worrying about it. I’m more concerned with being happy at this point and getting back in a classroom will make me happier than most anything else. I’m 17 credits of a BA in Anthropology. Part of me just wants to crank it out in a semester and live off a small student loan. Most of me knows I shouldn’t do that.

4. Remember the novel I talked about on here a few times? I started writing it in April of 2008. I wrote pretty consistently from then till about December of that year then I lost interest and I drifted off from it. I came back to it a few months ago, with new motivation, and actually finished it on the 25th. That’s right, I, me, little old me, has written a book. A BOOK. 441 pages of BOOK. I’m not one to be a show off, but I’m proud of myself. I’ve started noveling several times and I get about 100 pages in and completely lose interest. So I’m applauding myself for actually getting it done.

So, what’s it about? Good question. I’m not quite sure. Me mostly, I guess. There’s a lot about the fire in the Golden West, some of college, a lot about growing up. It’s fiction, but it feels like I wrote a memoir. Now, the book itself is total crap. And I’m not just saying that. It’s a mess of grammar errors, typos and fluff. A part of me wants to lock it away and never look at it again. The other part wants to dive back in and get it ready for public consumption; maybe put myself through the super-awesome and self-esteem building process of trying to get it published. However, I don’t think I have the confidence (or the money) for something like that at this point in my life. So, for now, I wrote it for me. It might just stay that way. Who knows. I’m just celebrating the accomplishment.

5. Gertie killed a bird back to January. This was horrible, absolutely horrible. By killed, I mean she slayed that thing. Left nothing for the taking. We’re still finding feathers.

The day of the incident, I came home and Chelsey was napping. I open her bedroom door to retrieve the dog and Gertie trots out. We go into my room and get on the iMac. Now, I can open my bedroom window and it’s low enough that Gertie can scamper out of it and into the yard. This is awesome late at night. So, Gertie starts scratching at the window to go out and I open it. As soon as I do, I see this sea of white feathers. I already know what’s happened. I close the window immediately with Gertie outside. About a minute later, I look out and there’s Gertie, sitting by the window, prim, proper and proud, with the dismembered carcass of what might have once been a bird at her feet. I make Gertie come back in and make her leave the bird outside. I wait for Chelsey to wake up and tell her the awesome news. We decide to remove the bird with a team effort; she holds open the bag, I drop the bird in. Normally, things like that don’t bother me. It’s just nature. I worked at a vet for a long time. But what Gertie did to that bird… was completely unnatural. It took us about 20 minutes to build up the courage to go out to the yard and get the bird. But we did it and screamed the whole time. Once it was in the bag, I just threw it over the fence. Bad move, I know. A kid could have found it. But dudes, I was beyond caring. We tried our best to clean up the feathers but it was almost hopeless. Pretty sure Gertie ate most of them.

On that note, Gertie has eaten the blades off of one of my razors and chewed up multiple lighters, meaning she’s also probably consumed lighter fluid. The puppy is indestructible.



6. Kenneth came for a visit. My first visitor in Oklahoma! It was quite the event, His bus got stuck in the East Mountains for 4 hours and delayed in Amarillo for another 3. He was supposed to get in Monday morning at 9:30. He got in Monday afternoon at 4:00. Poor guy. But we had fun. We didn’t do too terribly much, honestly. He loaded World of Warcraft on my computer and one night, I fell asleep to the sweet sounds of him typing and battling away. What a flashback it was. It was nice to just spend time with him, just watch a movie together, that sort of thing, the way we used to.


We also took in the National Memorial, the first time I’d been since I’ve lived here, a bit of downtown and Myriad Gardens,


which has some grossness happening.

7. I’m not the only one buying a car. Chelsey got a new Kia Forte back in January as well. My mom decided she was a little sick of being stuck in the mud and invested in a Rav 4 when I was visiting in March. The dealer was only going to give her $500 for her 1993 Corolla, something she was a bit upset about. So she said, “Does Kenneth need a car?” Me: “Uh, yeah.” Mom: “Okay, he can have mine.” Just like that. Mom’s pretty sweet.

Other than that, life’s finding a routine. Something that would normally upset me but after the chaos of last year, I’m pumped about it. I’ve been trying out several infamous Oklahoma eateries (see Mr. Spriggs, Eischens, Kendalls and the great onion burger war). I’m scared of the impending tornado season. I like vodka + soda a lot these days. I’m hoping to head to Dallas on May 15th for Tom Petty. I’ve been enjoying Sundays quite a bit, which normally includes brunch, Megan, mimosas, and Chelsey singing Lady Gaga at the HiLo.


Bonus Sunday activity. Or not. Depending on how you look at it.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve been too calm and too rational recently. Like, maybe it would be helpful to lose my head a little bit, let the crazy girl run free.

2009.

I told Murf sometime this summer that I thought 2009 would go down as the lost year in my life. And it probably will. 2009 will go down as the year I lost my grandfather, my home and my sense of economic security. I won't say that I lost Kyle, but his role in my life became something I quickly realized I was completely unprepared for. I also managed to end the year with a real bang of a loss: a totaled truck on an icy I-40.

I've spent 2009 in a blur of worry. I can honestly say I spent more time being concerned about my future this year than I ever have. I've questioned every decision I've ever made. I've missed home so, so much that it physically hurt. But, in that, I've never once regretted moving to Oklahoma. It still feels like it's where I need to be.

Somewhere in 2009, I managed to make a new home, find a new puppy, drive to Gainesville for the Fest and hear Bruce Springsteen play Thunder Road in Denver.

2009, you took a lot out of me. And I will not be sad to see you go. I've learned so, SO much this year. Maybe one day I'll look back on this year and realize that all I really needed was to get lost for a while to figure out where I needed to be.
But like I told one of the best parts of my 2009, Chelsey, I'm sick of self-discovery for a while.

Bring it on, 2010. I'm completely ready. I've got a good feeling about you.

Back with the streets I know.

So on Wednesday, I went and registered my truck in Oklahoma FINALLY. I've been trying to do that for about the last 8 months, but I never got around to it. There was an issue with the title, I couldn't provide proof of residency, the list went on and on. But finally, Wednesday, I walked into the Tag Agency, walked out with an Oklahoma plate and proclaimed my truck to be an official resident of Oklahoma.

Apparently. This angered the Gods. Someone did not want me to have an Oklahoma truck.

I left Oklahoma City at about 2:00 and got into Amarillo right around 6. I call my dad and he tells me that I might think about stopping, the roads are starting to get bad. Well, I decide to keep going, I-40 felt okay. I past Vega, Texas and saw a Days Inn, but still the roads were okay, no moisture was coming down. And then, out of nowhere, like a giant thunder clap, the road turned into a sheet of ice. I slowed down to about 30 and felt okay for about a mile. Then I saw a curved overpass with a bridge and I know, just from seeing it, that bridge was going to be trouble. My truck is terrible in bad weather; there's no weight in the back of it so it really doesn't take much for my day to be ruined. I kept it steady, got about halfway up and then a gust of wind grabbed ahold of the back end of my truck. I don't remember a lot; I think I just closed my eyes and screamed.

When the car stopped, I was in the median, my car was completely turned around and my bumper had smacked the guard rail for I-40 east-bound. I'm shaking, but I get out of the car and actually survey the damage to the guard rail before I survey the damage to my truck. My bumper was moved about 3 inches to the right. It looks like someone took a sledge hammer to my bumper and just knocked it a few times. After surveying the damage, I get back in my car and decide to turn it around, so it's actually facing the direction I want to go, turned off the engine and called my mom to try and figure out what exactly to do. There was no way my truck was going to make it out of the median. As soon as I say, "Hi Momma", I hear tires squeal behind me. I look in my rear view mirror and watch a Jeep slam right into my truck bed.

That moment, those three seconds, were the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I literally had a flash in my eyes. It wasn't any kind of white light, but it was just completely blinding. I'm sure it was every, single nerve ending and muscle I had screaming the tensing, but really, I saw something. And I'm quite glad I didn't have time to process what could have happened in the moment.

What did happen is still on the level of unspeakable. The right corner of my truck's bed is smashed in a good 3 feet. The other car had about the same amount of damage, but on the left side. I guess the funny part of the story is the wrecking company DROVE my truck, half-bed and all, to the salvage yard. My engine's totally fine. But seeing her like that, all smashed up, man, was that ever a heartbreaker. I didn't take any pictures. There's just some things you don't want to remember.

The guy who hit was actually an alright dude. I felt pretty bad for him; he'd just bought that Jeep on Sunday. The wrecking company gave us all a ride to the nearest motel, the very same Days Inn I had considered stopping at, and I spent a very snowy and sleepless night in Vega, Texas. Dad and brother Chase came in from Tucumcari and picked me up the next day and here I stay. It's been good to be here hanging out with siblings. It's been just the right amount of excitement and relaxation; I don't have much time to reflex about things but it's not stressful.

Tomorrow, I'll head into Pampa to see Grandma and other families. Then Dad'll drop me off at the Amarillo airport on Monday where I have a super-cheap Southwest flight back to Oklahoma City (the thought of being in a Greyhound for 5 hours with how much my neck hurts is just a bit much to compute right now) and I'll pick up a rental car at the airport. That is, if I can even get into Oklahoma City. You guys got some snow or something?

Insurance will be evaluating Joan Rivers the truck on Monday, hope for good things cuz there's no way this girl can afford a new car right now. I'm just trying to wrap my head around all of it right now. Lots of people have called me in the past few days and I must apologize because I'm sure I haven't been making much sense. It sort of feels like my brain is running on a check list. But I appreciate all of you. And if there's one thing that reminds you of how lucky you are and how good the people in your life are, it's a massive car wreck. So thanks, friends. And hey, Merry Christmas.

And I always will be.

I don't know how many of you have seen this holiday ad:


But this is pretty much the way me and my roommate feel about it:

Drink slow, drink slow.

Lake Hefner, meet Gertie. Gertie, meet Lake Hefner. Alright. See ya later.

Gertie-dog really did almost get thrown into Hefner today. Chelsey and I were officially the people with the embarrassing dog. Gertie was people-chasing and car-chasing and bike-chasing and barking at everything she could. We were seriously the people you go home and tell your family about. "Margie, today I was out for a lovely bicycle ride around Lake Hefner and there was this dog... well, actually it looked more like a dingo. And its owners? They just could NOT control it. It was terrible. I felt so sorry for them." Well dude, it's a 6 month old puppy at a lake with dozens of people around. She's gonna be pretty excited. AND WAS SHE EVER EXCITED.

Ever think about that? Just how often YOU'RE the subject of conversation at someone else's dinner? I used to think about it a lot more, when I was attracting a lot more attention (when I was holding a bit more metal in my skin). I guess it's sort of vain thing to think about, but I do that sort of stuff all the time. I'll constantly tell stories about funny or interesting people I saw earlier that day. I hope that somewhere, I'm a great story that someone tells when they need a good laugh. Sort of like the story I tell about the guy who tried to sell me fossils (or as I heard, possums) at the Mississippi state lane. It's sort of nice to be notorious.

I'd love a vacation. Something tells me my quickie trip home for Christmas just isn't going to cut it.